LETTERS TO GOD

In response to my blog about Dennis worshipping a blonde with big tits (see Bar Scene- Magnificent Obsession), I had the following email exchange with some poor, mis-guided soul.
In a message dated 12/1/2006 6:14:34 PM Central Standard Time, (REMOVED) writes:
hi god,
this is me god, a mere mortal man. not really agressive, though i've been called that, not even slick, though i've been called that also, just an ordinary guy. I want to pray for an "ole lady" for me. doesn't have to look like a model or anything, just a down to earth lady who i can trust, likes music, will blow a doob with me or just blow me from time to time. someone i can share lifes little dramas with. you know what i mean god, someone like you "a blonde with big tits".
LOL...god, let me know if you have anyone in mind for me, i'd appreciate it. thanks for listening god.
peace and love god
abraxas

REPLY:
Sent: Friday, December 01, 2006 7:20 PM
Subject: Re: a prayer....
Hi,
Thanks for writing. I only had 8 billion emails asking for stuff today.
(Prayer: The last refuge of a scoundrel)
True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist,
Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.
And To all virgins: Thanks for nothing!!
Good luck down there.
me

In a message dated 12/1/2006 10:41:27 PM Central Standard Time, (REMOVED) writes:
you're worthless god!!!!
all you give me is prose! you need to get back down to earth and check out how things are nowdays, i mean it's only been some 2000 years since you been here, times have changed, the fuckin world is running amuk, people are killing each other for for their religion, sneakers and cars, no wonder you got 8 billion emails wantin shit. all i want is an "ole lady" dude, a good piece of ass to care for, not world peace. i'm a mortal, i can't abstain for 2000 yrs, so lets go, what happened to fuckin miracles!
peace and love god
abraxas (lmao):-)

Criminy, my son,
I couldn't even find a good girl for Jesus. He had to settle for a prostitute
(no offense, Mary of Magdalene). All those things you mentioned, well, no wonder I'm so freaking busy. And you want me to take time out of my schedule so you can have a regular piece of ass (no offense to the manger donkeys). What, do you think I'm Zeus?! Now he's the multi-tasker.
Do it yourself! I've given you the tools. Why do you think I invented liquor??
Oh, and that thing about going out and pro-creating---old news. Stop already! Wear a condom. Get fixed. I'm so tired of all these humans running around. The other gods won't hang with me anymore coz of all my kids running around like crazy. Just try to get a babysitter for that! I haven't had a break in over 2000 years.
Humans! Sometimes I wonder why I bothered....
I need a nap. Let sleeping gods lie.
me