Things I Want to Know

If a nun has dyslexia, do you think she worships her dog?

Why don’t eggs taste like chicken?

When people say “it tastes like shit” don’t you wonder how they know?


More About Me

I’m allergic to chocolate. It makes me swell up and get fat.

I have tasted Moonshine and yes, the nickname Rotgut is appropriate.

Men often ask me if I’m bi-sexual. I am always “bi-sexual” on the first date. If a guy wants to have sex with me on the first date, I say “Bye.”

Dad didn’t mind when I went to parties and stuff. He always told me to have a good time and be a good girl but I always wondered which one was more important to him...

This cowboy came up last night and said some inappropriate things to me. I slapped his face hard but was immediately sorry I did it. Oh, not coz I hurt him. He had a cheek full of chewing tobacco.

NASCAR

NASCAR is in town.
I don’t want to be a snob, but I personally won’t date anyone who has a big “3” in the back window of their pickup.
Mexicans have their gothic letters, Nascar fans have their 3’s and 8’s.
I probably shouldn’t pick on Nascar fans. Its a hugely popular sport.It’s just not a real diverse crowd. There’s a part of the campground called Bubbaville...Lots of stars and bars and (hopefully)spittoons in that area.
Last night at a bar, one of those bubba’s was flirting with me.
He said “ Sugar, would you ever go out with a man like me?”
I said, “Sure, Bubba, as long as he’s not too much like you...”
When he asked for my number, I just said 8 and he was satisfied.

BAD POETRY

RELUCTANT LOVE

This isn’t a dress rehearsal
This isn’t about when and if
I don’t have a life to live over
This life is the one that you’ll miss
This life is the one that you’ll miss

If I don’t care for you
If I can’t see you grow
If you won’t let me love you
You’ll miss the best part of what I know
You’ll miss the best part of what I know

This isn’t about the future
It’s not about the past
It’s about living for real, for now
Living life at last
Living life at last

Let me love you
And love me back
Don’t be afraid
I’m good in the sack
Repeat, I’m good in the sack.


BLUE COWBOY

A fantastical female with a feminine mind
Met a cowboy in quite a bind
He’d loved and lost and was feeling low
He’d been taking it easy, taking it slow
Yet here he was with hat in hand
And talking about a No Promises land
of sex and fun
and more sex, too
But with no strings attached
Cause he’s feeling blue
My, oh my, what’s a woman to do?
So, sweetly and softly, she took his hand
And showed him the door to a Promise land
He shook in his boots at the thought of more
than just sex and fun behind that door
He felt relief when she went on through
He wouldn’t explore, he liked feeling blue,
So the fantastical female with the feminine mind
waved goodbye at the cowboy with hat in hand
who decided to stay in No Promises land
And the fantastical female moved through the door
Craving a land of so much more.