Things I Want to Know

If a nun has dyslexia, do you think she worships her dog?

Why don’t eggs taste like chicken?

When people say “it tastes like shit” don’t you wonder how they know?


More About Me

I’m allergic to chocolate. It makes me swell up and get fat.

I have tasted Moonshine and yes, the nickname Rotgut is appropriate.

Men often ask me if I’m bi-sexual. I am always “bi-sexual” on the first date. If a guy wants to have sex with me on the first date, I say “Bye.”

Dad didn’t mind when I went to parties and stuff. He always told me to have a good time and be a good girl but I always wondered which one was more important to him...

This cowboy came up last night and said some inappropriate things to me. I slapped his face hard but was immediately sorry I did it. Oh, not coz I hurt him. He had a cheek full of chewing tobacco.

NASCAR

NASCAR is in town.
I don’t want to be a snob, but I personally won’t date anyone who has a big “3” in the back window of their pickup.
Mexicans have their gothic letters, Nascar fans have their 3’s and 8’s.
I probably shouldn’t pick on Nascar fans. Its a hugely popular sport.It’s just not a real diverse crowd. There’s a part of the campground called Bubbaville...Lots of stars and bars and (hopefully)spittoons in that area.
Last night at a bar, one of those bubba’s was flirting with me.
He said “ Sugar, would you ever go out with a man like me?”
I said, “Sure, Bubba, as long as he’s not too much like you...”
When he asked for my number, I just said 8 and he was satisfied.

Blurbs

background
My name is Candy and I was born on Valentine’s Day. I have one brother, Stripe. He was born on Flag Day....
I grew up in rural Ohio, in the mid-west. Yes, I was raised by cows....

Being raised in a farm community, I must tell you that cows DON’t give milk. You have to go in there and take it from them.

My mom never let me eat candy at home. I finally got to eat a chocolate bunny one Easter. It was okay. It tasted like chicken.

presently
At my age, my dating criteria has changed a little bit. It’s nothing major, just simply I would like for my date to have a car and a home. And preferably they’re not the same.

Do you ever do stuff that you normally would be to scared to do but you’re doing it with someone who’s the scariest person you know anyway?


Insight
"I hope I never have to go to rehab for anything but I hear you meet some real quality people there.” Alli Hilfiger